When I was pregnant a friend of my mum’s jokingly said to me ‘be prepared not to sleep for the next 18 years’! I laughed. Little did I know that her joke wasn’t quite as funny as I had thought. Seven years into parenting, I am still sleep deprived. Just because your kids aren’t babies waking up for night feeds, it doesn’t mean that the sleep depravation and tiredness ends, right? I mean when was the last time you had a lie-in? Or woke up feeling really refreshed?
While it may not be possible to change the number of hours of sleep you get, it is possible to get a better night’s sleep and that’s what really counts. It’s scientifically proven that better sleep is more important than more sleep. I’ve been doing a few things recently to help myself get a better nights sleep so that I wake up refreshed in the morning and these may help you too. I’ve tried to suggest things that you can do immediately and that have worked:
I recently read an article (I can’t remember where) that talked about raising happy kids. All of us want happy kids, right? One of the things the article mentioned was the importance of giving your child choices, especially younger kids (say under 10) who have little or no control over their lives. This point really stood out for me. Kids really don’t have much control over their lives, do they? They are told what to eat and when, at school everything is structured and decided for them, they attend extra curricular activities that perhaps parents choose for them. They are told what time to go to bed, what time to get up, when to shower, when to do homework and the list goes on. While some of this stuff has to be decided for them (if I left mine to decide when to shower, it would be never!) I’ve realised it is possible to give them more control.
I’ve had a fussy/picky/tricky (pick a word) eater since the day she was born. The first clue she gave us was the on the day she was born. She wouldn’t drink her milk or barely had a few drops. I was actually kept in hospital an extra two days as they were concerned about her lack of appetite. Then came weaning – probably the most difficult phase we’ve been through yet. It took nearly 1.5 years to wean her – that is truth. Fast forward seven years and lots of creative, sometimes downright crazy tricks and methods used by me and things have improved. While I’m no expert on how to get fussy eaters to eat, I think I’ve learned a thing or two. I would still call her a fussy eater but at least she eats far better than she used to.
When you praise your kids to friends, is it bragging? Schools out and I could not be more proud of Anya. She has achieved so much this year – getting the achievers award for her year as well as a fabulous report. A report that made me cry because not only was it great on the learning and academic front, but the wonderful things they wrote about her as a person made my heart swell with pride. But why is it considered boasting to tell others that your child has done well? Why is it not acceptable to be proud of your child in public? Why do some parents feel the need to put you down if you praise your child?
As a habit, I don’t speak much about Anya’s achievements to anyone apart from family. But I happened to mention these latest achievements to a ‘friend’ and she immediately turned around and said something jokingly (but with a clear sarcastic edge) along the lines of how I couldn’t stop talking about my super star child. I had mentioned it once. It was the day I found out about her achievers award and naturally I was bursting with pride. This is a recent example but I have been faced with this same situation before.
I get that if you constantly talk about how great your kid is then it is annoying, very annoying and that is showing off. If every update on facebook is about your how your 2 year old is reading War and Peace then yes, that’s not cool. But to once mention an achievement or something fabulous they have done should be more than ok. After all you should be able to share your proud parent moments with friends and expect them to be happy for you. I am equally happy to talk about Anya’s faults (like her making crazy faces every time I get the camera out 😉) and I don’t ever hide them so why shouldn’t I speak of her accomplishments? When friends tell me about the wonderful things their kids have achieved, I am genuinely happy for them. It’s not a competition – if my kid did something great, it’s not a reflection on your kid. In fact it has nothing to do with your kid.
On the flip side, if you talk about your child’s faults or shortcomings, everybody seems more than happy to listen. Those same people that dismiss the good stuff, are all ears when it comes to the bad stuff. Strange. This isn’t a rant, but I’m genuinely wondering how parents feel about this – maybe some people will say that me mentioning it even once was showing off. I personally think that we should be comfortable praising our kids to others beyond family. If they’ve done something that made you proud, why not tell people and expect them to be happy for you. Of course, I’m not saying that every conversation should revolve around your ah-mazing kid who can do no wrong. But there is a big difference between bragging about your kids and just being proud of an achievement. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and any ‘bragging’ experiences you’ve had, good or bad?
A couple of weeks ago Anya and I went shopping to buy a birthday gift for one of her friends. Near our local shops, we have a large no-car square surrounded by shops with an outdoor play fountain in the middle that the kids adore. I often see kids turning up in their swimsuits and playing in the fountain till they are drenched. Playing outside with water is such a fun thing to do for kids and Anya loves it too. On this day we visited the fountain and I saw at least three kids, aged between 2 and 6 years, playing without any clothes on at all. I was quite bit taken aback.
I have no problem with kids taking their clothes off as kids, especially the littlest ones, like to do that and there is absolutely no harm in a private garden or similar private space. But in a public place in full view of thousands of people, I just didn’t think this was a good idea and I know I would not be comfortable letting Anya do it. Also age is a factor here – I mean five or six is just a bit too old to do something like this under any circumstances in public. Obviously I’m also thinking about the darker side of life where we do live alongside a very small minority of people who may not have good intentions – you know what I mean. So why put our kids in what could be a vulnerable position? That’s how I feel but am I over-reacting? Am I being too cautious and cynical? I don’t know but it absolutely doesn’t feel right to me. And even if you set aside any fears of the darker side of life, is it really appropriate to allow your kids to be naked in public? I don’t think so.
Would you let your kids take off all their clothes in a busy, public place? All it takes is that one wrong person to see them so I think even though it’s a very small risk, it’s a risk not worth taking. Similarly I wouldn’t put pictures of my kids without clothes on this blog or any social media either. But aside from any dangers, I still think there’s no reason for kids to take their clothes off in public. What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Have a wonderful weekend full of lots of playtime in the sunshine! And a very happy 4th of July to my American readers. x
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Ebabee Likes is a style guide for babies, kids, teens and their mamas. It’s all about inspiration, ideas and indulging yourself and your brood. It’s written by me ~ Nomita ~ a style loving girl from Mumbai who now live’s in London. Read More...
